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Jarvo & the Nurse

posted Feb 9, 2014, 5:54 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN


"Of course I won't laugh," said the Nurse to Jarvo the Fenbilly, "I'm a professional.
In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."
"Okay then," said Jarvo, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the
smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life.
In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing feeling very
badly that she had laughed at the man's private part, she composed herself as
well as she could.
"I am so sorry," she said,"I don't know what came over me.On my honour as a
Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won't happen again. Now, tell me, what seems
to be the problem?"


"It's swollen," Jarvo replied.
She ran out of the room.

Walking Home

posted Oct 14, 2013, 8:15 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN

Jarvo the fenbilly  and Wiggy Dave are walking home after a night on the tiles. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot.
 
Jarvo has a brainwave and says to Wiggy "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police".

Wiggy duly breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Jarvo is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Jarvo sticks his head around the door and sees Wiggy Dave running from bus to bus and looking very worried.

"What the hell are you doing Wiggy, get a move on!" Jarvo shouts.

To which Wiggy replies "I can't find a number 7 anywhere Jarvo".

Jarvo, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts "You bloody idiot Wiggy, steal a number 9 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!".

Job Interview

posted Sep 21, 2013, 7:47 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN

 While being interviewed for a job, the HR Director said to Fenbilly Jarvo and Wiggy Dave:

'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right gets the job.'

Papers were produced and the Fenbilly's set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the HR Director collected and marked the papers.

'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out of ten, but I'm giving Wiggy Dave the job.'

'Why's that?' asked Jarvo.

'Well,' said the Director, 'you both got the same question wrong but Wiggy Dave had

'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.

Ventriloquist

posted Sep 20, 2013, 5:37 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN   [ updated Sep 21, 2013, 7:33 AM ]

Ventriloquist

A young ventriloquist is touring through the Fens and stops to entertain at a small bar in Wisbech. He's going through his usual stupid Fenbilly jokes, when Jarvo  stands up and says, "I've heard just about enough of your smart ass fenbilly jokes. We ain't all stupid here in the Fens."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when Jarvo pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the smart ass little fella on your knee."

Jarvo goes horse riding

posted Aug 23, 2013, 12:04 PM by PPSA CHAIRMAN

Jarvo the Fen Billy decides to go horse riding. Although he has had no previous experience he skilfully mounts the Horse and appears in complete command of the situation as the horse gallops along at a steady pace

Fen Billy dangerous Dave admiringly watches his mate.

After a short time Jarvo becomes a little casual and he begins to lose his grip in the saddle, he panics and grabs the horse around the neck shouting for it to stop.

Fen Billy Dave starts to scream and shout for someone to help his buddy as Jarvo has by this time slipped completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground by the fact that he still has a grip on the horse's neck.

Jarvo decides that his best chance is to leap away from the horse, but his foot has become entangled in one of the stirrups. As the horse gallops along Jarvo's head is banging on the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness.

Fen billy Dave  is now frantic and screams and screams for help!!!!

Hearing his screams, the Tesco's Security Guard comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.

Jarvo has a stroll in the country

posted Jul 31, 2013, 10:29 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN

Jarvo the fen billy was taking a walk in the country. In a field he noticed something that intrigued him. Why doesn't this cow have any horns?

He asked the local farmer.

"Well mate, cattle can do damage with their horns so we usually keep them trimmed down with a hacksaw. You can also treat young calves so their horns never grow. And some breeds don't have any horns at all," the farmer replied.

The farmer continued, "But this cow doesn't have any horns because it is a horse!"

Quickest Way?

posted Apr 26, 2013, 7:34 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN

Reinhard, a young German, was on a short break holiday at Wolferton in the Norfolk countryside.  The next day he was going for a job interview in London but he needed to ask for directions, so he spoke to local fenbilly , Jarvo. 

'Please, feller, could you possibly tell me the quickest way to London?'

Jarvo replied in a rich Norfolk country accent, 'You driving or walking, mate?'
Reinhard quickly replied, 'Driving.'

Jarvo, the fenbilly nodded wisely, saying: 'Oooh aargh, that be certainly the quickest way'.

Travelling Ventriloquist In A Norfolk Village

posted Apr 5, 2013, 7:23 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN   [ updated Apr 5, 2013, 7:35 AM ]


A ventriloquist from Kent visiting Norfolk, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun.
Ventriloquist: "Hi Mate! Good looking dog, mind if I speak to him?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Southerner."
Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"
Dog: "Doin' all right"
Villager: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Villager: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Villager: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Villager: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Villager: "The sheep's a liar"

Trade Union....Know the Rules

posted Feb 23, 2013, 3:19 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN

A dedicated Trade union worker was attending a convention in Brighton and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the Madam, "Is this a union house?"

"No," she replied, "I'm sorry it isn't."

"Well, if I pay you £100, what cut do the girls get?"

"The house gets £80 and the girls get £20," she answered.

Offended at such unfair dealings, the union man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable, hopefully unionized shop. His search continued until finally he reached a brothel where the Madam responded, "Why yes sir, this is a union house. We observe all union rules."

The man asked, "And, if I pay you £100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get £80 and the house gets £20."

"That's more like it!" the union man said.

He handed the Madam £100, looked around the room, and pointed to a stunningly attractive green-eyed blonde.



"I'd like her," he said.

"I'm sure you would, sir," said the Madam. Then she gestured to a 92-year old woman in
the corner, "but Ethel here has 67 years seniority and according to union rules, she's next."

The "New" Ex Wife

posted Jan 16, 2013, 7:22 AM by PPSA CHAIRMAN

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some
loads for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After
a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've
been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you
quit hunting, shooting, handloading, and fishing. Maybe you
should sell your guns and boat."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

“There for a minute you were sounding like my
ex-wife.”

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married
before!"

“I wasn't!”

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